After IVF Loss, Adoption Gave Me the Family I Was Meant to Have
Sitting on the couch beside my husband, we looked at each other in disbelief and joy. Upstairs, our son was fast asleep in the bedroom we had prepared with so much love. After four painful years, we were finally parents.
Our path had not been easy. It began with infertility, a heartbreaking miscarriage after IVF, and the emotional rollercoaster of the adoption process. But now, it all led us to Cole*—our son, though not born to me, felt like he had always belonged.
From the first moment I met him, a toddler then, I felt an overwhelming sense of connection. Hugging him felt like finding the missing piece of my life.
Coping With Infertility and IVF Loss
Back in 2016, after years of painful symptoms, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Doctors told me it would be very difficult to conceive naturally.
I was only 22, but my partner Joe and I knew we wanted children. The following year, we began IVF. But because of the postcode lottery in the UK’s healthcare system, we only qualified for one NHS-funded cycle. Just a few miles away, we could have had three.
That single cycle gave us one viable embryo. We were hopeful, but just weeks after the embryo transfer, I miscarried. The pain of losing that baby was devastating.
Worse, I felt unsupported by the fertility clinic. The emotional toll was enormous. Joe and I both agreed—we couldn’t go through IVF again.
Turning to Adoption
We had always been familiar with adoption. Family members had adopted before, and we never saw it as second best—just a different way to build a family.
Still, we needed time to grieve and heal from our loss. In 2018, the year we got engaged, we attended an adoption open day. By 2019, we officially registered as prospective adopters with our local authority.
The adoption process was thorough and intense. It had to be. Taking a child from their birth family is a serious decision, and the system must make sure it’s the right one.
Social workers asked us everything—about our relationship, childhoods, finances, and work. It wasn’t easy. I’m estranged from my own mother, so some questions were emotionally difficult. But I understood the importance of it.
An Emotional and Lengthy Process
Adoption became the centre of our lives. There were endless forms, interviews, and meetings. But the hardest part was the waiting. The process moved slowly, and we had no control. It was frustrating, but we didn’t feel we could complain.
Then, in late 2019, we were matched with Cole. From the moment I met him, I knew I was meant to be his mother. Holding him for the first time felt like everything in my life had led to that moment.
Becoming a Family
Over the next few months, we visited Cole often. We learned he had physical disabilities and were told he might never walk or talk. That didn’t matter to us. We already loved him. We were prepared to support him, just as we would with a biological child facing similar challenges.
In early 2020, Cole legally became our son. We brought him home, and that first night under the same roof as a family was unforgettable. Despite all the struggles, we had made it.
Unexpected Emotions
I loved Cole deeply. Still, I was surprised by some emotions that came later. At toddler groups, when other parents talked about childbirth and breastfeeding, I felt left out. I hadn’t been there for the beginning of Cole’s life, and that brought sadness.
To anyone considering adoption, I would say: expect emotional highs and lows. Even if you feel a strong bond with your child, those feelings are normal.
A Grateful Heart
Today, five years later, Cole is a joyful, affectionate little boy. He defied early predictions—he walks, he talks, and he thrives.
We’re very open about his adoption. It’s not a secret. We have some contact with his birth family, and I feel deep gratitude toward them. Without them, I wouldn’t have the honour of being his mother.
As he grows, I will always support him in understanding his past.
Welcoming a Second Child
Now, Joe and I are preparing to adopt again. We’re in the process of bringing home a baby boy—Cole’s soon-to-be brother.
We always wanted more children and wanted Cole to have a sibling. It’s an exciting time for our family.
Looking back, the journey to motherhood was painful. IVF did not give us the baby we hoped for. But I believe everything happened for a reason.
Today, I can’t imagine life without Cole—or without the child we’re about to welcome. They are meant to be ours, and I’m forever thankful.
*Name changed to protect privacy.
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